Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
