You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
