Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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