when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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