are you still at the devil's house?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
