Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
