this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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