just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
