Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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