Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
