i love accidental penises.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
