oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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