Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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