oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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