The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
