Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
