SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
