i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
