i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
