Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
