He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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