called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
