my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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