I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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