Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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