So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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