it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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