I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
