I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
third nipple confirmed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
