I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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