A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
