She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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