hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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