I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
