I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
