proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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