i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
