Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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