She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
