I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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