I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
