I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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