Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
