I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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