I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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