For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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