They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
