I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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