He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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