Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
