hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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