I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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