hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
