this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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