I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
