Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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